Husband: It's nap time
Me: I think I'll make macaroni and cheese with the sausage for dinner tonight
Husband: Are you going to cut up the sausage into the mac and cheese?
Me: No!
Husband: I was thinking about how you do that with tuna.
Me: Yeah, but not with sausage.
Husband: (easing into the recliner) But you could..
Me: Yes, but since I'm cooking I'll just fry the sausage up they way they come. If you were cooking (we both laugh at that) you could do whatever you wanted.
Husband: I could cut them up and mix them in on my plate but I don't think I will.
Me: Go to sleep!
Tuesday, December 20th
(Husband and I are downstairs, Frankie the cat is upstairs in my office)
Me: That cat is driving me crazy with the computer. Wait, listen to that - she's scratching at the screen and there's nothing on it - oh, wait except the picture of BB.
Husband: Maybe she recognizes him.
Me (to BB the cat): You guys don't get stimulation here - no birds, no squirrels - you're bored, aren't you?
Husband: That's true.
Me (to BB): Well so am I, that's why I spend all my time on the computer. (To Husband): Maybe we should get the cats their own computers..
Husband: I don't know about BB but Frankie could probably learn to use one!
::laughter::
A short time later
Me: This cake isn't fresh.
Husband: Is anything?
Me: I am...
And then
Me: Who's that on the television with that horrible voice?
Husband: Some woman who got matched on eHarmony.
Me: What, - was the guy deaf?
Me: That cat is driving me crazy with the computer. Wait, listen to that - she's scratching at the screen and there's nothing on it - oh, wait except the picture of BB.
Husband: Maybe she recognizes him.
Me (to BB the cat): You guys don't get stimulation here - no birds, no squirrels - you're bored, aren't you?
Husband: That's true.
Me (to BB): Well so am I, that's why I spend all my time on the computer. (To Husband): Maybe we should get the cats their own computers..
Husband: I don't know about BB but Frankie could probably learn to use one!
::laughter::
A short time later
Me: This cake isn't fresh.
Husband: Is anything?
Me: I am...
And then
Me: Who's that on the television with that horrible voice?
Husband: Some woman who got matched on eHarmony.
Me: What, - was the guy deaf?
Tuesday, November 22nd
Me: Maybe you should order the pizza now - it's raining, they'll be busy.
Husband: I was thinking the same thing. The usual?
Me: No, what we had the last time.
Husband: Do you remember what that was?
Me: I think it was mushroom and sausage. Do you remember how to get the number from stored numbers in the phone?
Husband: No - but I have the number memorized!
Husband: I was thinking the same thing. The usual?
Me: No, what we had the last time.
Husband: Do you remember what that was?
Me: I think it was mushroom and sausage. Do you remember how to get the number from stored numbers in the phone?
Husband: No - but I have the number memorized!
Monday, November 14th
Me: I'm so proud of myself.
Husband: Whyyyyy?
Me: I've learned to get to sleep in spite of all your snoring, snorting and ugly mouth-breathing noises.
Husband: So that means you can get used to any thing?
Me: I guess - but in the 15 or 20 minutes it takes me to nod off I still want to shoot you.
Husband: If there were something I could do about it I would.
Me: Well there is a solution but you wouldn't like it.
Husband: What?
Me: One of those c-pap machines.
Husband: Don't they make noise?
Me: I don't know but I do know they are uncomfortable.
Husband: ---
Me: It's a good thing we don't have guns in the house because I would put a bullet through your brain.
Husband: ::laughs::
Husband: Whyyyyy?
Me: I've learned to get to sleep in spite of all your snoring, snorting and ugly mouth-breathing noises.
Husband: So that means you can get used to any thing?
Me: I guess - but in the 15 or 20 minutes it takes me to nod off I still want to shoot you.
Husband: If there were something I could do about it I would.
Me: Well there is a solution but you wouldn't like it.
Husband: What?
Me: One of those c-pap machines.
Husband: Don't they make noise?
Me: I don't know but I do know they are uncomfortable.
Husband: ---
Me: It's a good thing we don't have guns in the house because I would put a bullet through your brain.
Husband: ::laughs::
Tuesday, November 8th
We have coffee every day around 4:30 pm.
Husband: I poured the coffee...
Me: I'll be right down.
Me: What are you doing? Making a sandwich? We're going to be having a big dinner.
Husband: It's a small sandwich. I was in the mood for peanut butter and mayonnaise.
Me: That's disgusting.
Husband: I was trying to get it made before you came down.
Me: That is nasty.
Husband: No, it's a gourmet delight!
Me: That's just plain nasty...
Husband: I poured the coffee...
Me: I'll be right down.
Me: What are you doing? Making a sandwich? We're going to be having a big dinner.
Husband: It's a small sandwich. I was in the mood for peanut butter and mayonnaise.
Me: That's disgusting.
Husband: I was trying to get it made before you came down.
Me: That is nasty.
Husband: No, it's a gourmet delight!
Me: That's just plain nasty...
Friday, October 28th
Me: Is today Thursday or Friday?
Husband: Friday.
Me: And I thought yesterday was Saturday. I'm good!
Time: Approximately 2:45pm
Me: What time do you think the food will get delivered?
Husband: Between 3 and 5.
Me: Not an acceptable answer.
Husband: What would be an acceptable answer?
Me: 3:45 - So what time do you think the food will get delivered.
Husband: I don't know.
Me: What kind of candy did you buy for Halloween?
Husband: A couple of bags of stuff.
Me: What kind of stuff?
Husband: Oh, this and that.
Me: You're really precise today, aren't you?
Time: Approximately 3:45pm
Husband: I think the food is here - there's a truck but it doesn't have writing on it.
Me: HA!
Husband: Yup, it's the food delivery guy.
Me: HA! - it's 3:48! I said 3:45 - I win!
Husband to delivery guy: You're working alone today? Too bad.
Delivery Guy: So sad...
Husband: Friday.
Me: And I thought yesterday was Saturday. I'm good!
Time: Approximately 2:45pm
Me: What time do you think the food will get delivered?
Husband: Between 3 and 5.
Me: Not an acceptable answer.
Husband: What would be an acceptable answer?
Me: 3:45 - So what time do you think the food will get delivered.
Husband: I don't know.
Me: What kind of candy did you buy for Halloween?
Husband: A couple of bags of stuff.
Me: What kind of stuff?
Husband: Oh, this and that.
Me: You're really precise today, aren't you?
Time: Approximately 3:45pm
Husband: I think the food is here - there's a truck but it doesn't have writing on it.
Me: HA!
Husband: Yup, it's the food delivery guy.
Me: HA! - it's 3:48! I said 3:45 - I win!
Husband to delivery guy: You're working alone today? Too bad.
Delivery Guy: So sad...
Wednesday, October 26th
In the morning -
Me: I put out new toothbrushes.
Husband: Good, I was thinking they needed to be changed. What color is mine?
Me: Blue. Mine is green.
Husband: Just like before.
Me: Yeah, blue is for boys, I get whatever other color was in the package.
That evening -
Husband (yelling from the bathroom): What color did you say my new toothbrush was?
Me: Blue - just like before. Just like always.
Husband: That's what I thought. But you have them on the wrong side, I got confused.
Me: The wrong side?
Husband: Mine is always on the right side, yours on the left. You switched them.
Me: But yours is blue, mine is green - what difference does it make which side they're on???
Husband: I'm switching them back - mine is on the right and yours is on the left.
Me: But they are two different colors - how difficult is it to tell them apart?
Husband: You switched them around, that's all. It confused me.
Me: (rolling my eyes and whispering to myself): Dear lord help me
Me: I put out new toothbrushes.
Husband: Good, I was thinking they needed to be changed. What color is mine?
Me: Blue. Mine is green.
Husband: Just like before.
Me: Yeah, blue is for boys, I get whatever other color was in the package.
That evening -
Husband (yelling from the bathroom): What color did you say my new toothbrush was?
Me: Blue - just like before. Just like always.
Husband: That's what I thought. But you have them on the wrong side, I got confused.
Me: The wrong side?
Husband: Mine is always on the right side, yours on the left. You switched them.
Me: But yours is blue, mine is green - what difference does it make which side they're on???
Husband: I'm switching them back - mine is on the right and yours is on the left.
Me: But they are two different colors - how difficult is it to tell them apart?
Husband: You switched them around, that's all. It confused me.
Me: (rolling my eyes and whispering to myself): Dear lord help me
Monday, October 17th
Husband: Happy Birthday!
Me: Thanks, sweetie. Is there coffee?
Husband: All set-up, just hit the button. Are you going to open your birthday cards?
Me: Sure - you didn't have to get me any cards.
Husband: Well you know yesterday when I went to the store to get your cards...well, I got everything else I went out for but this morning I realized I forgot to get you a card. I'm so sorry. I scrounged around my desk and found these. I'm so sorry.
Me: Honey, it's no problem. You didn't have to. Really.
Husband: I feel so bad. I swear I'm getting Alzheimer's.
Me: It's okay - honestly - it's okay! (Opening cards).
Me: (reading): "I would have gotten you flowers but those darn cats just eat them. This picture of flowers will have to do". Awww ::laughing::
Husband: It's one of those cards those places send you for free when they are asking for money. If you ever get sick I have tons of sympathy cards...
Me: Yeah, I've got a ton of those too. (Opening second card)
Husband: That's the handmade card we bought from that lady on the street.
Me: Oh yeah - I remember. ::looking at the card closely:: Honey - this is a Chistmas Card - see it says "Happy Holidays".
Husband: On my god, I saw the happy and just assumed it was a birthday card. I am sooo sorry. I swear it's Alzheimer's.
Me: ::Laughing so hard I am choking - banging on the table - falling out of my chair::
Husband: You're supposed to be the old one - not me! Well at least you got a good laugh out of this. I suppose this will go on the conversation blog..
Me: Oh, yeah - Big time.
Me: Thanks, sweetie. Is there coffee?
Husband: All set-up, just hit the button. Are you going to open your birthday cards?
Me: Sure - you didn't have to get me any cards.
Husband: Well you know yesterday when I went to the store to get your cards...well, I got everything else I went out for but this morning I realized I forgot to get you a card. I'm so sorry. I scrounged around my desk and found these. I'm so sorry.
Me: Honey, it's no problem. You didn't have to. Really.
Husband: I feel so bad. I swear I'm getting Alzheimer's.
Me: It's okay - honestly - it's okay! (Opening cards).
Me: (reading): "I would have gotten you flowers but those darn cats just eat them. This picture of flowers will have to do". Awww ::laughing::
Husband: It's one of those cards those places send you for free when they are asking for money. If you ever get sick I have tons of sympathy cards...
Me: Yeah, I've got a ton of those too. (Opening second card)
Husband: That's the handmade card we bought from that lady on the street.
Me: Oh yeah - I remember. ::looking at the card closely:: Honey - this is a Chistmas Card - see it says "Happy Holidays".
Husband: On my god, I saw the happy and just assumed it was a birthday card. I am sooo sorry. I swear it's Alzheimer's.
Me: ::Laughing so hard I am choking - banging on the table - falling out of my chair::
Husband: You're supposed to be the old one - not me! Well at least you got a good laugh out of this. I suppose this will go on the conversation blog..
Me: Oh, yeah - Big time.
Wednesday, October 5th
Me: Don't buy these cookies any more. I've had enough of them to last a lifetime.
Husband: You know me - if you say you like something I'll keep buying it until you tell me to stop.
Me: STOP
Husband: But I'll keep buying the macaroons. I like them.
Me: You are like the cats - a creature of habit. You'll eat the same thing every day, day after day, for like forever. Some of us aren't like that. You ever hear variety is the spice of life?
Husband: You like spice, I don't.
Husband: You know me - if you say you like something I'll keep buying it until you tell me to stop.
Me: STOP
Husband: But I'll keep buying the macaroons. I like them.
Me: You are like the cats - a creature of habit. You'll eat the same thing every day, day after day, for like forever. Some of us aren't like that. You ever hear variety is the spice of life?
Husband: You like spice, I don't.
Tuesday, October 4th
Me: Do you want a funeral when you die?
Husband: No.
Me: Me either. Funerals are for the living not the dead. I find them weird.
Husband: Just cart the body to the nearest and cheapest crematorium. But do it quickly before my family finds out. Tho I don't think they would care. Plus you don't really want to keep a dead body around.
Me: I know - rotting meat - not something I would keep in the house. Cemeteries are basically landfills. On one hand I know why people do that but I still think it's a waste of good land. What should I do with your ashes?
Husband: Have no idea, and don't care.
Me: I always figured to have them put in a nice urn and keep it on a bookshelf. I always wanted to have my ashes put in a lucite cube and then kept on the coffee table. That way I could still be part of everything. "Oh, yeah - that's crazy Aunt Grace"
Husband: You've said that before.
Me: I decided that years and years and years ago.
Husband: ::laughing:: Years and years? Well, if you die before me, which I doubt, I always planned to scatter your ashes in Central Park.
Me: Oh, that would be lovely - thanks! But you would have to do it surreptitiously - they frown on that sort of thing.
Husband: Well I thought I would divide up the ashes in small pouches and scatter them a little here, a little there.
Me: If you're careful, that should work.
Husband: No.
Me: Me either. Funerals are for the living not the dead. I find them weird.
Husband: Just cart the body to the nearest and cheapest crematorium. But do it quickly before my family finds out. Tho I don't think they would care. Plus you don't really want to keep a dead body around.
Me: I know - rotting meat - not something I would keep in the house. Cemeteries are basically landfills. On one hand I know why people do that but I still think it's a waste of good land. What should I do with your ashes?
Husband: Have no idea, and don't care.
Me: I always figured to have them put in a nice urn and keep it on a bookshelf. I always wanted to have my ashes put in a lucite cube and then kept on the coffee table. That way I could still be part of everything. "Oh, yeah - that's crazy Aunt Grace"
Husband: You've said that before.
Me: I decided that years and years and years ago.
Husband: ::laughing:: Years and years? Well, if you die before me, which I doubt, I always planned to scatter your ashes in Central Park.
Me: Oh, that would be lovely - thanks! But you would have to do it surreptitiously - they frown on that sort of thing.
Husband: Well I thought I would divide up the ashes in small pouches and scatter them a little here, a little there.
Me: If you're careful, that should work.
Sunday, October 2nd
Me: Are you watching tv?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: You have the sound off?
Husband: Yeah
Me: Why?
Husband: Don't really care what they're saying.
Me: What are you watching?
Husband: Football.
Me: You're watching football. With the sound off...Who's playing?
Husband: Not sure - want me to check?
Me: Nooo. So why are you watching something you have no interest in?
Husband: I finished my book. Don't want to do any more work. It's just something to pass the time.
Me: I do not understand this at all. Nope.
Husband: Yeah.
Me: You have the sound off?
Husband: Yeah
Me: Why?
Husband: Don't really care what they're saying.
Me: What are you watching?
Husband: Football.
Me: You're watching football. With the sound off...Who's playing?
Husband: Not sure - want me to check?
Me: Nooo. So why are you watching something you have no interest in?
Husband: I finished my book. Don't want to do any more work. It's just something to pass the time.
Me: I do not understand this at all. Nope.
Monday, September 26th
Me: It's hot, it's humid - what is wrong with you?
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, It's September not July.
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, yes, I really mean Dear God, what is your problem. Are you not paying attention? Taking care of business not on your "To Do" list? Guess not.
Husband: ::laughs out loud:: *people on the street stare at us*
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, It's September not July.
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, yes, I really mean Dear God, what is your problem. Are you not paying attention? Taking care of business not on your "To Do" list? Guess not.
Husband: ::laughs out loud:: *people on the street stare at us*
Wednesday, September 21st
Me: Everyone is pissed off at the changes on Facebook. And there's gonna be more.
Husband: uh-huh
Me: I've said maybe we should just all move over to Google+. It used to be invitation only now it's going to be open to everyone. I'm on it.
Husband: I don't know anything about that stuff.
Me: I know. I would explain it to you but I know you don't care. It would be like trying to teach a pig to sing...
Husband: ::laughs::
Husband: uh-huh
Me: I've said maybe we should just all move over to Google+. It used to be invitation only now it's going to be open to everyone. I'm on it.
Husband: I don't know anything about that stuff.
Me: I know. I would explain it to you but I know you don't care. It would be like trying to teach a pig to sing...
Husband: ::laughs::
Friday, September 16th
Husband: While you're puttering around the kitchen - you wanted me to remind you when the coffee canister was empty 'cause you said you wanted to give it a good washing.
Me: Puttering around the kitchen? You call emptying the dishwasher, washing the breakfast dishes and coffee pot, wiping down the counters and the stove, puttering around?
Husband: ::laughing:: Ok, let me re-phrase that. While you are slaving away in the kitchen...
Me: Damn straight. I swear you have a death wish lately.
Me: Puttering around the kitchen? You call emptying the dishwasher, washing the breakfast dishes and coffee pot, wiping down the counters and the stove, puttering around?
Husband: ::laughing:: Ok, let me re-phrase that. While you are slaving away in the kitchen...
Me: Damn straight. I swear you have a death wish lately.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Husband: ::Reading the Sunday comics on Saturday:: Can you explain this to me? I don't get it. Don't they mean "heel"?
Me: No, they mean "heal". See the city skyline in the background? All of the Sunday comics are honoring 9/11.
Husband: You're smarter than I am! ::Looking over at BB the cat:: But I'm smarter than BB.
Me: Not hard...
Husband: Maybe not Frankie tho...
Me: ---
Me: No, they mean "heal". See the city skyline in the background? All of the Sunday comics are honoring 9/11.
Husband: You're smarter than I am! ::Looking over at BB the cat:: But I'm smarter than BB.
Me: Not hard...
Husband: Maybe not Frankie tho...
Me: ---
Tuesday September 6th
Me: Are you ever going to learn how to use this phone?
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: It's easy - just push "menu" then "call log". Then you can scroll through all the people who have called here and just auto dial them back.
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: And you can automatically add someone, who called here, to the Directory. See? I pull up this number from the call log, press menu and I can add it to the directory. No typing or entering needed. See?
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: Then if you want to call this person just press menu, directory, scroll to their name and press "talk".
Husband: Ah, technology!
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: It's easy - just push "menu" then "call log". Then you can scroll through all the people who have called here and just auto dial them back.
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: And you can automatically add someone, who called here, to the Directory. See? I pull up this number from the call log, press menu and I can add it to the directory. No typing or entering needed. See?
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: Then if you want to call this person just press menu, directory, scroll to their name and press "talk".
Husband: Ah, technology!
Monday August 29th
Me: So what did the air conditioning guy say?
Husband: We have a very sophisticated thermostat and (blah blah blah - technical explanation).
Me: What did he say about the vent being pushed out of the wall and being all wet?
Husband: I didn't know about that...
Me: I told you yesterday when I asked you to call the a/c guy.
Husband: (annoyed) Maybe you should have called him then.
Me: I should have - next time I will.
Husband: We have a very sophisticated thermostat and (blah blah blah - technical explanation).
Me: What did he say about the vent being pushed out of the wall and being all wet?
Husband: I didn't know about that...
Me: I told you yesterday when I asked you to call the a/c guy.
Husband: (annoyed) Maybe you should have called him then.
Me: I should have - next time I will.
Wednesday, August 24th
Me: Thanks for bringing that down, I've made you do a lot of toting today.
Husband: I don't mind this.
Me: Well the jewelry case has to be moved back. I can help you - if we just open one of the drawers and lift it that way...
Husband: You're not supposed to lift anything.
Me: It won't be so bad if we do it like I said.
Husband: Well not now - later.
Me: Did I say right now? Did I? When do I ever say "right now" -
Husband: Ok - later then.
Me: Or tomorrow, or the next day but before next Monday. I never say "right now" because very few things EVER have to be done right now.
Husband: ---
Husband: I don't mind this.
Me: Well the jewelry case has to be moved back. I can help you - if we just open one of the drawers and lift it that way...
Husband: You're not supposed to lift anything.
Me: It won't be so bad if we do it like I said.
Husband: Well not now - later.
Me: Did I say right now? Did I? When do I ever say "right now" -
Husband: Ok - later then.
Me: Or tomorrow, or the next day but before next Monday. I never say "right now" because very few things EVER have to be done right now.
Husband: ---
Tuesday, August 16th
Me: Oooh! I just remembered that you asked me to remind you that a bulb is out in the bedroom.
Husband: OK, I'll do that right after I finish this.
Me: You don't have to do it now. You can do it later.
Husband: No, that's ok, just as soon as I finish this.
Me. I can try to remember to remind you later...
Husband: Now, later - it doesn't matter.
Me: Whatever you want - but I can remember to remind you later.
Husband: ---
Husband: OK, I'll do that right after I finish this.
Me: You don't have to do it now. You can do it later.
Husband: No, that's ok, just as soon as I finish this.
Me. I can try to remember to remind you later...
Husband: Now, later - it doesn't matter.
Me: Whatever you want - but I can remember to remind you later.
Husband: ---
Monday, August 8th
Me: (shouting up the stairs) Could you bring my book when you come down?
Husband: Where is it?
Me: Either on my dresser or on my nightstand.
Husband: Which book?
Me: The real one - you know, a book with pages, made of paper.
Husband: (Coming down the stairs with book in hand): Very funny..
Me: See, you got the right one, it even has a bookmark in it.
Husband: Well there were other books - the Buddhist ones.
Me: But I said ON the nightstand, not IN the nightstand. Those were IN, this was ON.
Husband: ---
Husband: Where is it?
Me: Either on my dresser or on my nightstand.
Husband: Which book?
Me: The real one - you know, a book with pages, made of paper.
Husband: (Coming down the stairs with book in hand): Very funny..
Me: See, you got the right one, it even has a bookmark in it.
Husband: Well there were other books - the Buddhist ones.
Me: But I said ON the nightstand, not IN the nightstand. Those were IN, this was ON.
Husband: ---
Monday, August 1st
Husband: I broke it again
Me: What do you mean? What happened?
Husband: I hit the return button.
Me: The return button never works.
Husband: I know..
Me: You've heard "The definition of insanity..."
Husband: But it works on other shows...
Me: But not THIS one. How many times have you tried it? 10-11?
Husband: At least and it never works.
Me: Once again, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY..."
Me: What do you mean? What happened?
Husband: I hit the return button.
Me: The return button never works.
Husband: I know..
Me: You've heard "The definition of insanity..."
Husband: But it works on other shows...
Me: But not THIS one. How many times have you tried it? 10-11?
Husband: At least and it never works.
Me: Once again, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY..."
Sunday, July 31st
Husband: This is stupidest episode ever. Or the most stupid? Or maybe I mean stupider than most?
Me: I hate the word "stupider" - It's stupid!
Husband: ::laughing::
Me: I hate the word "stupider" - It's stupid!
Husband: ::laughing::
Friday, July 29
Me: You get paid again on the 7th, right?
Husband: Yes, why?
Me: I think I'll wait until then to transfer money to the other account.
Husband: Unless of course the budget bill doesn't pass, the government may decide not to pay contractors.
Me: I thought of that, that's why I'm waiting.
Husband: Good idea
Me: Unless of course we won the lottery, I haven't checked my numbers yet. If we won then we could live anywhere we want - We could move to Paris.
Husband: Why would we want to do that?
Me: Yeah, I know. I don't want to live in Paris either
Husband: ::In a very innocent tone of voice, all kinda childlike with wonder:: It's filled with Frenchmen!
Me: ::laughing so hard I choked on the piece of candy I was eating::
Husband: ::innocently:: Why is that so funny?
Me: It's the way you said it.
Husband: Yes, why?
Me: I think I'll wait until then to transfer money to the other account.
Husband: Unless of course the budget bill doesn't pass, the government may decide not to pay contractors.
Me: I thought of that, that's why I'm waiting.
Husband: Good idea
Me: Unless of course we won the lottery, I haven't checked my numbers yet. If we won then we could live anywhere we want - We could move to Paris.
Husband: Why would we want to do that?
Me: Yeah, I know. I don't want to live in Paris either
Husband: ::In a very innocent tone of voice, all kinda childlike with wonder:: It's filled with Frenchmen!
Me: ::laughing so hard I choked on the piece of candy I was eating::
Husband: ::innocently:: Why is that so funny?
Me: It's the way you said it.
Wednesday, July 27
Me: ::seeing husband hunched over working on laptop:: Do you need more light over there?
Husband: No, I can see fine.
Me: Then why are you hunched over and squinting?
Husband: It's that problem with my glasses, if I sit back I can't see the screen too well.
Me: What happened to those drugstore reading glasses we bought?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: Where are they?
Husband: In the drawer.
Me: Why are we keeping them?
Husband: I don't know. They didn't work.
Me: So I can throw them out?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: ::gets up, goes to china cabinet, opens drawer, gets two pairs of reading glasses, tosses them in the trash::
Me: Well, they're gone now.
Husband: They didn't work.
Husband: No, I can see fine.
Me: Then why are you hunched over and squinting?
Husband: It's that problem with my glasses, if I sit back I can't see the screen too well.
Me: What happened to those drugstore reading glasses we bought?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: Where are they?
Husband: In the drawer.
Me: Why are we keeping them?
Husband: I don't know. They didn't work.
Me: So I can throw them out?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: ::gets up, goes to china cabinet, opens drawer, gets two pairs of reading glasses, tosses them in the trash::
Me: Well, they're gone now.
Husband: They didn't work.
Tuesday, July 26
Husband: I'm going into D.C. tomorrow
Me: My pedicure appointment is tomorrow
Husband: Well be careful, watch where you walk, don't forget your keys, lock the doors...
Me: I'm not an idiot you know
Husband: But that's what you always say to me
Me: Yes, but that's because sometimes you are a little...vague.
Me: My pedicure appointment is tomorrow
Husband: Well be careful, watch where you walk, don't forget your keys, lock the doors...
Me: I'm not an idiot you know
Husband: But that's what you always say to me
Me: Yes, but that's because sometimes you are a little...vague.
Friday, July 22
Me: ::waving hands around the area that used to have coat tree and smiling::
Husband: You really like how everything looks now, don't you?
Me: Yes -and my office is just about perfection - just need those new doors.
Husband: It has taken a while but I think we have finally got it right.
Me: All the money we wasted - starting with buying this house in the first place.
Husband: ::tired laugh::
Husband: You really like how everything looks now, don't you?
Me: Yes -and my office is just about perfection - just need those new doors.
Husband: It has taken a while but I think we have finally got it right.
Me: All the money we wasted - starting with buying this house in the first place.
Husband: ::tired laugh::
Tuesday, July 19
Husband: I have some bad news.
Me: WHAT!!!!
Husband: The city won't pick up electronics.
Me: That is not BAD news. That is annoying pissant news. Don't scare me like that. Bad news is like, you know - BAAAAD news.
Me: WHAT!!!!
Husband: The city won't pick up electronics.
Me: That is not BAD news. That is annoying pissant news. Don't scare me like that. Bad news is like, you know - BAAAAD news.
Thursday, July 14 2011
Me: (reading the NYT Home section) ::Laughing::
Husband: Something funny?
Me: This ad - the company's name is "Big Ass Fans"
Husband: Oh? What do they sell?
Me: (showing him the paper) BIG.ASS.FANS.
Husband: Something funny?
Me: This ad - the company's name is "Big Ass Fans"
Husband: Oh? What do they sell?
Me: (showing him the paper) BIG.ASS.FANS.
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