Hubby and I were in the laundry room, folding clothes, and we had the
funniest conversation - but I can't remember the whole thing. It took
place over the span of 15 minutes, with starts and stops. Part of it went like this:
Husband: Suppose I was in a bad mood
Me: Ask me if I care
Husband: Do you care?
Me: No
Husband: So you don't care if I'm in a bad mood but I have to care if you're in a bad mood
Me: You'd better!
Husband and Me: *Bust out laughing*
Sunday, September 22nd
Me: What are you going to have for dinner? Can I make anything for you?
Husband: You're not eating?
Me: God, no! The egg and toast I had for lunch hasn't made me sick yet so maybe I'll have the same for dinner or maybe just stick with the pudding. Help yourself to as much pudding as you want!
Husband: Nah, I'm all out of whipped cream.
Me: You can't eat pudding without whipped cream?
Husband: No - I have 2 rules - if it's dessert, you put whipped cream on it; if it's any other kind of food, you put cheese on it. That's it - those are the rules.
Me: *eye roll*
Husband: You're not eating?
Me: God, no! The egg and toast I had for lunch hasn't made me sick yet so maybe I'll have the same for dinner or maybe just stick with the pudding. Help yourself to as much pudding as you want!
Husband: Nah, I'm all out of whipped cream.
Me: You can't eat pudding without whipped cream?
Husband: No - I have 2 rules - if it's dessert, you put whipped cream on it; if it's any other kind of food, you put cheese on it. That's it - those are the rules.
Me: *eye roll*
Wednesday, September 18th
Husband: I'm just going to put on my napping sweatshirt and go take my nap
Me: Open a window in there...
Husband: It has gotten nicer - just one window or both?
Me: I don't care - one-both - whatever you want.
Husband: Right - Time to get some air in here!
Me: I like my air...
Husband: Oh, it's just your air? Can't some of it be my air?
Me: You're not that enthralled with it.
Me: Open a window in there...
Husband: It has gotten nicer - just one window or both?
Me: I don't care - one-both - whatever you want.
Husband: Right - Time to get some air in here!
Me: I like my air...
Husband: Oh, it's just your air? Can't some of it be my air?
Me: You're not that enthralled with it.
Monday, August 26th
Me: I found this cool web site. I've been looking for this for years...and years...and years
Husband: What is it?
Me: Weather history. You can look up the weather for any day you want.
Husband: Why is that cool?
Me: One of June's complaints about my existence was that I was born during a heat wave. I've been trying to verify that for years. Now I have. The high temp for October 17, 1946 was 63 degrees. Hardly a heat wave!
Husband: No, not really a heat wave, even for the middle of October.
Me: Isn't that fun - that you can check out the weather for any day in the past?
Husband: No...why would you want to know that?
Me: Just because. Or out of curiosity. It's fun. Wouldn't you like to know the weather on the day you were born?
Husband: It was July. It was probably hot.
Me: Aren't you curious about anything? Even for fun?
Husband: No - not really.
Husband: What is it?
Me: Weather history. You can look up the weather for any day you want.
Husband: Why is that cool?
Me: One of June's complaints about my existence was that I was born during a heat wave. I've been trying to verify that for years. Now I have. The high temp for October 17, 1946 was 63 degrees. Hardly a heat wave!
Husband: No, not really a heat wave, even for the middle of October.
Me: Isn't that fun - that you can check out the weather for any day in the past?
Husband: No...why would you want to know that?
Me: Just because. Or out of curiosity. It's fun. Wouldn't you like to know the weather on the day you were born?
Husband: It was July. It was probably hot.
Me: Aren't you curious about anything? Even for fun?
Husband: No - not really.
Tuesday, July 16th
Me: I think I'll make your raviolis with butter and cheese and I'll use the hummus with mine.
Husband: I was just thinking the hummus sounded weird.
Me: I thought it might be for you, so I just decided to make yours with butter and cheese.
Husband: It's good that one of us is decisive
Me: Yes, and it certainly isn't YOU.
Husband: I was just thinking the hummus sounded weird.
Me: I thought it might be for you, so I just decided to make yours with butter and cheese.
Husband: It's good that one of us is decisive
Me: Yes, and it certainly isn't YOU.
Saturday, June 6th
Me: Talking quietly to myself
Husband: What?
Me: I was talking to myself
Husband: What did you say?
Me: If I was talking to YOU, I would repeat it. But I wasn't, so I won't.
Husband: Oh..
Husband: What?
Me: I was talking to myself
Husband: What did you say?
Me: If I was talking to YOU, I would repeat it. But I wasn't, so I won't.
Husband: Oh..
Wednesday, July 3rd
Husband: Why are we going up to Glebe Market?
Me: To see if I can get some fresh fruits and vegetables.
Husband: You know what we haven't had in a long time, unless I forgot, is, what do you call it - salad.
Me: We haven't had salad in a long time because you only eat lettuce and tomatoes - no cucumbers, no radishes, no peppers - just lettuce and tomato. It's boring.
Husband: Well you can make your radishes and stuff and then just add them to your plate.
Me: I am not making 2 different salads for just 2 people besides adding the veggies separately means they don't get all covered with the salad dressing.
Husband: I don't think I have ever tasted a radish and cucumbers don't sit well with me.
Me: Radishes taste a bit peppery and it's the seeds in the cucumbers that bother you. Now they have seedless cucumbers - they're called "burpless".
Husband: Then why don't you go on-line and get on the 'burpless cucumber of the month club" list - or something.
Me: Riiight..
Me: To see if I can get some fresh fruits and vegetables.
Husband: You know what we haven't had in a long time, unless I forgot, is, what do you call it - salad.
Me: We haven't had salad in a long time because you only eat lettuce and tomatoes - no cucumbers, no radishes, no peppers - just lettuce and tomato. It's boring.
Husband: Well you can make your radishes and stuff and then just add them to your plate.
Me: I am not making 2 different salads for just 2 people besides adding the veggies separately means they don't get all covered with the salad dressing.
Husband: I don't think I have ever tasted a radish and cucumbers don't sit well with me.
Me: Radishes taste a bit peppery and it's the seeds in the cucumbers that bother you. Now they have seedless cucumbers - they're called "burpless".
Husband: Then why don't you go on-line and get on the 'burpless cucumber of the month club" list - or something.
Me: Riiight..
Saturday, June 29th
Husband: I'm going to the store, do you need anything?
Me: A couple of donuts...
Husband: From the bakery or like, Entenmann's
Me: The bakery donuts are terrible. Entenmann's is fine.
Husband comes back from the store and unpacks an Entenmann's variety pack of donuts and a package of cinnamon minis and a peach pie and an apple pie.
Me: What the hell is all of this?
Husband: They didn't have the variety box of donuts with cinnamon so I bought the minis.
Me: And the pies?
Husband: They were 2 for one and I know you like peach pie. I'll eat the apple, I like apple pies.
Me: And you'll eat the donuts too! I said "a couple" of donuts - that is 3 at most. Besides I don't like chocolate covered donuts or plain and I only eat the powered sugar ones if I'm desperate.
Husband: But they didn't have the variety box with cinnamon donuts.
Me: But they had the bag of cinnamon minis - why buy the variety box too? And why buy 2 pies when you just bought donuts. Who is going to eat all of this?
Husband: *Petulantly* You eat the powdered ones sometimes...and I like apple pie. They were 2 for the price of one.
Me: Okay - let me get this straight. You know I don't like chocolate donuts or plain donuts and eat powdered donuts only sometimes so you buy a box with all three PLUS the cinnamon ones that I DO like, plus 2 pies just because they were 2-for-one. Right?
Husband: Yes...
Me: WHY???
Husband: I was just in a mood and felt like it.
Me: Major pissed off eye rolling
Me: A couple of donuts...
Husband: From the bakery or like, Entenmann's
Me: The bakery donuts are terrible. Entenmann's is fine.
Husband comes back from the store and unpacks an Entenmann's variety pack of donuts and a package of cinnamon minis and a peach pie and an apple pie.
Me: What the hell is all of this?
Husband: They didn't have the variety box of donuts with cinnamon so I bought the minis.
Me: And the pies?
Husband: They were 2 for one and I know you like peach pie. I'll eat the apple, I like apple pies.
Me: And you'll eat the donuts too! I said "a couple" of donuts - that is 3 at most. Besides I don't like chocolate covered donuts or plain and I only eat the powered sugar ones if I'm desperate.
Husband: But they didn't have the variety box with cinnamon donuts.
Me: But they had the bag of cinnamon minis - why buy the variety box too? And why buy 2 pies when you just bought donuts. Who is going to eat all of this?
Husband: *Petulantly* You eat the powdered ones sometimes...and I like apple pie. They were 2 for the price of one.
Me: Okay - let me get this straight. You know I don't like chocolate donuts or plain donuts and eat powdered donuts only sometimes so you buy a box with all three PLUS the cinnamon ones that I DO like, plus 2 pies just because they were 2-for-one. Right?
Husband: Yes...
Me: WHY???
Husband: I was just in a mood and felt like it.
Me: Major pissed off eye rolling
Wednesday, June 12th
Standing in the check-out line at Trader Joe's, dancing to "Rock Around the Clock", absolutely gorgeous young woman in front of us on line watching me
Me (to Husband): Dance with me! It's hard to do the Lindy alone.
Husband: I don't dance any more.
Me: You used to dance with me...
Husband: Not any more. I'm old. I have problems walking.
Me: Well, walking isn't my best skill either but nothing stops me from dancing!
Husband: Well, someone of us get old.
Gorgeous Young Woman: Pointing at me - And some people stay young forever!
Me (to Husband): Dance with me! It's hard to do the Lindy alone.
Husband: I don't dance any more.
Me: You used to dance with me...
Husband: Not any more. I'm old. I have problems walking.
Me: Well, walking isn't my best skill either but nothing stops me from dancing!
Husband: Well, someone of us get old.
Gorgeous Young Woman: Pointing at me - And some people stay young forever!
Tuesday, June 4th
Me: (Talking to the cats)There's my fuzzy furry little dumplings
Husband: Hmmm
Me: Hmmm - what?
Husband: I'm just trying to picture what fuzzy furry little dumplings look like.
Me: Like what you would find in a Chinese take out carton that's been in the back of the refrigerator for two months.
Husband: Oh..
Husband: Hmmm
Me: Hmmm - what?
Husband: I'm just trying to picture what fuzzy furry little dumplings look like.
Me: Like what you would find in a Chinese take out carton that's been in the back of the refrigerator for two months.
Husband: Oh..
Monday, May 27th
Me: I can't believe you picked out that table. It is exactly what I like. Absolutely me.
Husband: You've been saying you wanted a new dining table and I thought that one looked like one you would like.
Me: I had actually stopped looking. First because you said you liked the one we have - beaten up as it is, and second, everything I have seen is so cookie-cutter; same-ole, same-ole. Plus they are super expensive.
Husband: But that one is really nice - different. I just thought I would point it out.
Me: And then the stain - that really blew me away. Absolutely perfect - I don't know why I hadn't spotted it.
Husband: Why did the stain I picked out surprise you?
Me: Honey, most men would NOT choose "washed celery" as a wood stain for a dining table.
Husband: I looked at all the colors and I just liked that one best.
Me: After all these years I think I'm rubbing off on you!
Husband: You've been saying you wanted a new dining table and I thought that one looked like one you would like.
Me: I had actually stopped looking. First because you said you liked the one we have - beaten up as it is, and second, everything I have seen is so cookie-cutter; same-ole, same-ole. Plus they are super expensive.
Husband: But that one is really nice - different. I just thought I would point it out.
Me: And then the stain - that really blew me away. Absolutely perfect - I don't know why I hadn't spotted it.
Husband: Why did the stain I picked out surprise you?
Me: Honey, most men would NOT choose "washed celery" as a wood stain for a dining table.
Husband: I looked at all the colors and I just liked that one best.
Me: After all these years I think I'm rubbing off on you!
Saturday, March 30th
Me: So what do you think of the cake?
Husband: It's okay...I think we can finish it. What do you think?
Me: It's bland and I put twice as much vanilla in it than the recipe called for. But the cake itself is light and fluffy. So should I save this recipe?
Husband: I don't think so. It's nice but bland. But it does have a good mouth feel
Me: Mouth feel? You watch way too much of the food channel...
Husband: It's okay...I think we can finish it. What do you think?
Me: It's bland and I put twice as much vanilla in it than the recipe called for. But the cake itself is light and fluffy. So should I save this recipe?
Husband: I don't think so. It's nice but bland. But it does have a good mouth feel
Me: Mouth feel? You watch way too much of the food channel...
Friday, March 15th
(We get in the car, the music goes on, after 4 seconds I smack the advance button)
Husband: I like that song.
Me: Well I don't -
Husband: So I gathered -
Me: "Going home, going home, going home" Enough already, so you're going home, go already.
Husband: It's a nice song...
Me: It might be a great song but the singer isn't.
Husband: She is something of a cult favorite
Me: What cult? The cult of the brain dead and the deaf? The favorite performer at Gallaudet University?
Husband: ::Laughing:: You are evil minded...
Husband: I like that song.
Me: Well I don't -
Husband: So I gathered -
Me: "Going home, going home, going home" Enough already, so you're going home, go already.
Husband: It's a nice song...
Me: It might be a great song but the singer isn't.
Husband: She is something of a cult favorite
Me: What cult? The cult of the brain dead and the deaf? The favorite performer at Gallaudet University?
Husband: ::Laughing:: You are evil minded...
Tuesday, March 5th
Me: Can we get these groceries upstairs ourselves or should I get a cart?
Husband: No, I can get them..
(He takes 4 bags, I take two)
Me: Wait a minute, give me that bag - it has the eggs in it.
Husband: I can get it - I don't want you to carry too much.
Me: These are light, I can do it.
Husband: But you are a delicate little flower, I don't want you to burden yourself
Me: Me, a delicate flower? Huh! - more like crab grass...
Husband: No, I can get them..
(He takes 4 bags, I take two)
Me: Wait a minute, give me that bag - it has the eggs in it.
Husband: I can get it - I don't want you to carry too much.
Me: These are light, I can do it.
Husband: But you are a delicate little flower, I don't want you to burden yourself
Me: Me, a delicate flower? Huh! - more like crab grass...
Saturday, February 16th
Me: By the way, we're having eggs for dinner. Scrambled, fried, poached, omelet - You choose.
Husband: (looking up from his book): I have to choose? That's a big decision.
Me: That's why I'm telling you now - so you have plenty of time to think about it.
Husband: I'll have to cogitate on that...
Me: Well you have 4 hours to decide - take your time
Husband: Hmmm
Husband: (looking up from his book): I have to choose? That's a big decision.
Me: That's why I'm telling you now - so you have plenty of time to think about it.
Husband: I'll have to cogitate on that...
Me: Well you have 4 hours to decide - take your time
Husband: Hmmm
Tuesday, February 12th
(Husband and I are watching television - a Valentine's Day commercial comes on...)
Husband: Is it that time already?
Me: Yup, Valentine's Day is Thursday. And don't even bother.
Husband: You mean you don't want me to run out and buy you chocolates, cards and lots of presents?
Me: No, don't even mention it. It's just another made-up commercial holiday.
Husband: But I thought we celebrated Valentine's Day as our anniversary...
Me: I am so over that...
::long pause::
Me: I love you honey.
Husband: Thanks...I love you too.
Husband: Is it that time already?
Me: Yup, Valentine's Day is Thursday. And don't even bother.
Husband: You mean you don't want me to run out and buy you chocolates, cards and lots of presents?
Me: No, don't even mention it. It's just another made-up commercial holiday.
Husband: But I thought we celebrated Valentine's Day as our anniversary...
Me: I am so over that...
::long pause::
Me: I love you honey.
Husband: Thanks...I love you too.
Friday, January 4th 2013
Frankie: Me-naow
Me: Frankie I can't pet you 24 hours a day.
Husband: Not exactly 24 hours, she sleeps at least 18.
Frankie: Me-naow, me-naow
Me: Frank - I can't give you all my attention, all the time. You are not the center of my universe.
Husband: No - I am!
Me: (MAJOR eye roll)
Me: Frankie I can't pet you 24 hours a day.
Husband: Not exactly 24 hours, she sleeps at least 18.
Frankie: Me-naow, me-naow
Me: Frank - I can't give you all my attention, all the time. You are not the center of my universe.
Husband: No - I am!
Me: (MAJOR eye roll)
Thursday, November 22nd
Me: So how is the J.K. Rowling book?
Husband: It's okay - it's a lot like "Midsomer Murders" without the murders. The weird machinations of an English village. Is that MAK-inations or MACH-inations? That's one of those words your read all the time but never actually say.
Me: Don't ask me - you know I always mispronounce words. Want me to look it up - they have audio pronunciation.
Husband: No - I don't need to know. It's not like I use it a lot in conversation. Of course it could become my new favorite word and I could just throw it in anywhere "...all those machinations - you know the people from Machina.."
Me: The people from Machina...? ::Wild cackling, choking, table thumping laughter:: The people from Machina??
Husband: *Laughing* Yeah that would probably be spelled "ian" not "ion"
Me and Husband: ::More crazy laughter::
Husband: It's okay - it's a lot like "Midsomer Murders" without the murders. The weird machinations of an English village. Is that MAK-inations or MACH-inations? That's one of those words your read all the time but never actually say.
Me: Don't ask me - you know I always mispronounce words. Want me to look it up - they have audio pronunciation.
Husband: No - I don't need to know. It's not like I use it a lot in conversation. Of course it could become my new favorite word and I could just throw it in anywhere "...all those machinations - you know the people from Machina.."
Me: The people from Machina...? ::Wild cackling, choking, table thumping laughter:: The people from Machina??
Husband: *Laughing* Yeah that would probably be spelled "ian" not "ion"
Me and Husband: ::More crazy laughter::
Tuesday, November 20th
BB (the orange cat): Me-ann, Me-ann, Me-ann
Me: B, since when do you talk so much. Getting chatty in your old age?
Me (to husband): Did Frankie, the motor-mouth, talk a lot when she was little?
Husband: What?
Me: Did. Frankie. Talk. A. Lot. When. She. Was. Little.
Husband: You're asking me if I remember something? Please...
Me: B, since when do you talk so much. Getting chatty in your old age?
Me (to husband): Did Frankie, the motor-mouth, talk a lot when she was little?
Husband: What?
Me: Did. Frankie. Talk. A. Lot. When. She. Was. Little.
Husband: You're asking me if I remember something? Please...
Tuesday, October 2nd
Me: If I open a package of Chuckles will you eat the black one?
Husband: Sure, I love the black ones, they're my favorite!
Me: You are the only person on the planet that likes the licorice Chuckles.
Husband: Really?
Me: Yup. I bet if I posted on the internet somewhere that you liked them best people from all over the world would send you their licorice Chuckles. You would be inundated.
Husband: You mean there is somewhere where people talk about their favorite flavor Chuckle?
Me: Probably...
Husband: Sure, I love the black ones, they're my favorite!
Me: You are the only person on the planet that likes the licorice Chuckles.
Husband: Really?
Me: Yup. I bet if I posted on the internet somewhere that you liked them best people from all over the world would send you their licorice Chuckles. You would be inundated.
Husband: You mean there is somewhere where people talk about their favorite flavor Chuckle?
Me: Probably...
Thursday, August 6th
Me: (Poking Husband) Hey...
Husband: (Removing headphones) What?
Me: I put up the coffee. Whenever you want it, just hit the button.
Husband: (cupping my face in his hands, kissing me twice) I love you to pieces!
Me: As well you should...
Husband: (Laughing) Of Course!
Husband: (Removing headphones) What?
Me: I put up the coffee. Whenever you want it, just hit the button.
Husband: (cupping my face in his hands, kissing me twice) I love you to pieces!
Me: As well you should...
Husband: (Laughing) Of Course!
Tuesday, August 21st
Me: This store is starting to pluck at my nerves
Husband: Why?
Me: The prices. They're not paying anymore for these things than any other store in the area but they are charging way more.
Husband: Maybe they're charging for the cachet.
Me: I'm not paying for cachet. The only cachet I'm interested in is the cash-et in my pocket!
Husband: Why?
Me: The prices. They're not paying anymore for these things than any other store in the area but they are charging way more.
Husband: Maybe they're charging for the cachet.
Me: I'm not paying for cachet. The only cachet I'm interested in is the cash-et in my pocket!
Wednesday, August 15th
Me: Are we a little bit crazy, or just eccentric?
Husband: Why do you say that?
Me: Just take a look around you!
Husband: I prefer to say we are eclectic.
Husband: Why do you say that?
Me: Just take a look around you!
Husband: I prefer to say we are eclectic.
Friday, August 10th
Me: Do you want lettuce on your sandwich?
Husband: No
Me: Tomato?
Husband: No
Me; Ah, but extra mayonnaise, right?
Husband: Ah, you know me so well.
Me: When it comes to food anyway - mayonnaise, cheese - you're good to go.
Husband: Don't forget whipped cream..
Me: How could I possibly forget whipped cream. I know you well when it comes to food. Anything else inside your head - Not so much.
Husband: No
Me: Tomato?
Husband: No
Me; Ah, but extra mayonnaise, right?
Husband: Ah, you know me so well.
Me: When it comes to food anyway - mayonnaise, cheese - you're good to go.
Husband: Don't forget whipped cream..
Me: How could I possibly forget whipped cream. I know you well when it comes to food. Anything else inside your head - Not so much.
Sunday, August 5th
Me: Isn't it nice that Irving showed up. We tore that basement apart looking for him.
Husband: Obviously we didn't tear it up enough.
Me: But the packers found him.
Husband: Maybe he hid out because of the painting and the moving
Me: And then came out because he didn't want to get left behind.
Husband: Like the time your glasses disappeared for about a month and then mysteriously
Me & Husband: appeared in the bowl!
Husband: Now THAT was weird.
Me: Really strange...
Husband: Obviously we didn't tear it up enough.
Me: But the packers found him.
Husband: Maybe he hid out because of the painting and the moving
Me: And then came out because he didn't want to get left behind.
Husband: Like the time your glasses disappeared for about a month and then mysteriously
Me & Husband: appeared in the bowl!
Husband: Now THAT was weird.
Me: Really strange...
Tuesday, July 12th
Me: I love your new desk chair.
Husband: It's comfortable.
Me: I just love the color and shape - so clean and modern. If the base weren't so wide I would get rid of these dining chairs and get those instead.
Husband: I thought you didn't like the color green.
Me: I didn't - but lately I really like light green as an accent color - I would never wear green or paint walls green but...
Husband: You always loved red - everything red...
Me: For 54 years red was the only color for me, now I can't wear it - it makes me uncomfortable. People change you know.
Husband: Well SOME people do...
Husband: It's comfortable.
Me: I just love the color and shape - so clean and modern. If the base weren't so wide I would get rid of these dining chairs and get those instead.
Husband: I thought you didn't like the color green.
Me: I didn't - but lately I really like light green as an accent color - I would never wear green or paint walls green but...
Husband: You always loved red - everything red...
Me: For 54 years red was the only color for me, now I can't wear it - it makes me uncomfortable. People change you know.
Husband: Well SOME people do...
Sunday, June 17th
While going through old posts from my "regular" blog, I came across THIS post. What makes it pertinent to Today's Conversation is this bit:
My husband was watching our new little boy kitty chase his tail...
Husband: It must be nice to have a toy attached to your body
Me: Don't all men?
It took him 2 beats to get it...
Sunday, May 27th
Remember THIS conversation? Well here we go again...
Me: (Holding up a dark green wash cloth) Didn't you use your wash cloth this morning - it's bone dry.
Husband: I used the one on the left.
Me: That's mine! See you have the dark green towel with the matching dark green wash cloth, I have the light green towel with the light green wash cloth!
Husband: Oh - I thought you used a bath sponge..
Me: But now I am using a wash cloth - which matches my towel. How long have you been assigned to the dark green towel set?
Husband: I don't know - a long time???
Me: Are you color blind? It's the toothbrush thing all over again...And besides your wash cloth always hung on the right side!
Husband: Ooops...
Me: (Holding up a dark green wash cloth) Didn't you use your wash cloth this morning - it's bone dry.
Husband: I used the one on the left.
Me: That's mine! See you have the dark green towel with the matching dark green wash cloth, I have the light green towel with the light green wash cloth!
Husband: Oh - I thought you used a bath sponge..
Me: But now I am using a wash cloth - which matches my towel. How long have you been assigned to the dark green towel set?
Husband: I don't know - a long time???
Me: Are you color blind? It's the toothbrush thing all over again...And besides your wash cloth always hung on the right side!
Husband: Ooops...
Tuesday, May 1st
Husband: How come you have pickles and I don't?
Me: Because you don't want pickles.
Husband: How do you know I don't want pickles?
Me: Do you want pickles?
Husband: No, actually I don't.
Me: See, that's why I didn't give you any.
Me: Because you don't want pickles.
Husband: How do you know I don't want pickles?
Me: Do you want pickles?
Husband: No, actually I don't.
Me: See, that's why I didn't give you any.
Friday, April 6th
Me: The pizza came awfully quick
Husband: They were really busy when I called..
Me: Guess Good Friday and the first night of Passover doesn't mean much. Is Good Friday included in that whole Lent thing?
Husband: I don't know
Me: You went to Catholic school. Don't you remember anything about your childhood.
Husband: I don't remember much about any part of my life...
Me: How can you not remember your own life..?
Husband: I guess I just never paid attention..
Me: ::Laugh uproariously:: How do you not pay attention to your own life?
Husband: They were really busy when I called..
Me: Guess Good Friday and the first night of Passover doesn't mean much. Is Good Friday included in that whole Lent thing?
Husband: I don't know
Me: You went to Catholic school. Don't you remember anything about your childhood.
Husband: I don't remember much about any part of my life...
Me: How can you not remember your own life..?
Husband: I guess I just never paid attention..
Me: ::Laugh uproariously:: How do you not pay attention to your own life?
Thursday, March 15th
Me: (struggling to get off the couch) Ow, ow, ow - it hurts
Husband: I could tell
Me: Really - how?
Husband: The "ow, ow, ow" gives me a clue
Me: But my shoulder and back don't hurt when I reach forward, only when I move my shoulder back.
Husband: "Doctor, doctor - it hurts when I do this..."
Husband & I laughing: "So don't do that..."
Me: Right, so you got your own HBO special now?
Husband: I could tell
Me: Really - how?
Husband: The "ow, ow, ow" gives me a clue
Me: But my shoulder and back don't hurt when I reach forward, only when I move my shoulder back.
Husband: "Doctor, doctor - it hurts when I do this..."
Husband & I laughing: "So don't do that..."
Me: Right, so you got your own HBO special now?
Friday, February 3rd
Me: Just in case you were thinking about it - Don't.
Husband: Thinking about what???
Me: Valentine's Day is coming up - please don't get me anything.
Husband: Not even an edible arrangement?
Me: Nope - nothing. And I've got a surprise for you, I nominated you for the congressional medal of honor!
Husband: ::laughing:: Why?
Me: 'Cause you deserve it for putting up with me.
Husband: I don't "put up with you" - I love you.
Me: Honey, I get on my own nerves. Don't think I'm not aware of my behavior.
Husband: You don't get on my nerves and I know why you are the way you are.
Me: Maybe so, but still - it ain't easy.
Husband: But I do worry. When you have these melt-downs, I'm afraid you are going to stay there.
Me: Me too...
Husband: Thinking about what???
Me: Valentine's Day is coming up - please don't get me anything.
Husband: Not even an edible arrangement?
Me: Nope - nothing. And I've got a surprise for you, I nominated you for the congressional medal of honor!
Husband: ::laughing:: Why?
Me: 'Cause you deserve it for putting up with me.
Husband: I don't "put up with you" - I love you.
Me: Honey, I get on my own nerves. Don't think I'm not aware of my behavior.
Husband: You don't get on my nerves and I know why you are the way you are.
Me: Maybe so, but still - it ain't easy.
Husband: But I do worry. When you have these melt-downs, I'm afraid you are going to stay there.
Me: Me too...
Wednesday, January 18th
Me: Wasn't that nice that the man gave us these two oranges as gifts. I wonder why he likes us?
Husband: I don't know.
Me: We never spend more than $20 there and we don't go in all that often.
Husband: Don't know
Me: I bet he likes us 'cause he thinks we're cute. Everybody thinks we're cute!
Husband: (speaking in high-pitched old lady squeaky voice) Oh look Maudie, isn't that old couple cute! They're holding hands. They must be in love...
Me: ::cackling laughter::
Husband: I don't know.
Me: We never spend more than $20 there and we don't go in all that often.
Husband: Don't know
Me: I bet he likes us 'cause he thinks we're cute. Everybody thinks we're cute!
Husband: (speaking in high-pitched old lady squeaky voice) Oh look Maudie, isn't that old couple cute! They're holding hands. They must be in love...
Me: ::cackling laughter::
Sunday, January 15th 2012
Husband: What is that song you're humming?
Me: Don't know but can't get it out of my head.
Husband: I think it's by The Turtles
Me: OK, Let's look it up
(scrolling through youtube)
Husband: There, try that one - Happy Together
Me: No that's not it!
Husband: Yeah, that's not it.
Me: Now I can't get this song out of my head! (dripping sarcasm)Thanks!
Husband: Sorry
Me: And now I can't remember the other song and I liked it better!
Husband: (laughing) Sorry...
Me: Mr. Music Maven Smartass!
Me: Don't know but can't get it out of my head.
Husband: I think it's by The Turtles
Me: OK, Let's look it up
(scrolling through youtube)
Husband: There, try that one - Happy Together
Me: No that's not it!
Husband: Yeah, that's not it.
Me: Now I can't get this song out of my head! (dripping sarcasm)Thanks!
Husband: Sorry
Me: And now I can't remember the other song and I liked it better!
Husband: (laughing) Sorry...
Me: Mr. Music Maven Smartass!
Friday, December 30st
Husband: It's nap time
Me: I think I'll make macaroni and cheese with the sausage for dinner tonight
Husband: Are you going to cut up the sausage into the mac and cheese?
Me: No!
Husband: I was thinking about how you do that with tuna.
Me: Yeah, but not with sausage.
Husband: (easing into the recliner) But you could..
Me: Yes, but since I'm cooking I'll just fry the sausage up they way they come. If you were cooking (we both laugh at that) you could do whatever you wanted.
Husband: I could cut them up and mix them in on my plate but I don't think I will.
Me: Go to sleep!
Me: I think I'll make macaroni and cheese with the sausage for dinner tonight
Husband: Are you going to cut up the sausage into the mac and cheese?
Me: No!
Husband: I was thinking about how you do that with tuna.
Me: Yeah, but not with sausage.
Husband: (easing into the recliner) But you could..
Me: Yes, but since I'm cooking I'll just fry the sausage up they way they come. If you were cooking (we both laugh at that) you could do whatever you wanted.
Husband: I could cut them up and mix them in on my plate but I don't think I will.
Me: Go to sleep!
Tuesday, December 20th
(Husband and I are downstairs, Frankie the cat is upstairs in my office)
Me: That cat is driving me crazy with the computer. Wait, listen to that - she's scratching at the screen and there's nothing on it - oh, wait except the picture of BB.
Husband: Maybe she recognizes him.
Me (to BB the cat): You guys don't get stimulation here - no birds, no squirrels - you're bored, aren't you?
Husband: That's true.
Me (to BB): Well so am I, that's why I spend all my time on the computer. (To Husband): Maybe we should get the cats their own computers..
Husband: I don't know about BB but Frankie could probably learn to use one!
::laughter::
A short time later
Me: This cake isn't fresh.
Husband: Is anything?
Me: I am...
And then
Me: Who's that on the television with that horrible voice?
Husband: Some woman who got matched on eHarmony.
Me: What, - was the guy deaf?
Me: That cat is driving me crazy with the computer. Wait, listen to that - she's scratching at the screen and there's nothing on it - oh, wait except the picture of BB.
Husband: Maybe she recognizes him.
Me (to BB the cat): You guys don't get stimulation here - no birds, no squirrels - you're bored, aren't you?
Husband: That's true.
Me (to BB): Well so am I, that's why I spend all my time on the computer. (To Husband): Maybe we should get the cats their own computers..
Husband: I don't know about BB but Frankie could probably learn to use one!
::laughter::
A short time later
Me: This cake isn't fresh.
Husband: Is anything?
Me: I am...
And then
Me: Who's that on the television with that horrible voice?
Husband: Some woman who got matched on eHarmony.
Me: What, - was the guy deaf?
Tuesday, November 22nd
Me: Maybe you should order the pizza now - it's raining, they'll be busy.
Husband: I was thinking the same thing. The usual?
Me: No, what we had the last time.
Husband: Do you remember what that was?
Me: I think it was mushroom and sausage. Do you remember how to get the number from stored numbers in the phone?
Husband: No - but I have the number memorized!
Husband: I was thinking the same thing. The usual?
Me: No, what we had the last time.
Husband: Do you remember what that was?
Me: I think it was mushroom and sausage. Do you remember how to get the number from stored numbers in the phone?
Husband: No - but I have the number memorized!
Monday, November 14th
Me: I'm so proud of myself.
Husband: Whyyyyy?
Me: I've learned to get to sleep in spite of all your snoring, snorting and ugly mouth-breathing noises.
Husband: So that means you can get used to any thing?
Me: I guess - but in the 15 or 20 minutes it takes me to nod off I still want to shoot you.
Husband: If there were something I could do about it I would.
Me: Well there is a solution but you wouldn't like it.
Husband: What?
Me: One of those c-pap machines.
Husband: Don't they make noise?
Me: I don't know but I do know they are uncomfortable.
Husband: ---
Me: It's a good thing we don't have guns in the house because I would put a bullet through your brain.
Husband: ::laughs::
Husband: Whyyyyy?
Me: I've learned to get to sleep in spite of all your snoring, snorting and ugly mouth-breathing noises.
Husband: So that means you can get used to any thing?
Me: I guess - but in the 15 or 20 minutes it takes me to nod off I still want to shoot you.
Husband: If there were something I could do about it I would.
Me: Well there is a solution but you wouldn't like it.
Husband: What?
Me: One of those c-pap machines.
Husband: Don't they make noise?
Me: I don't know but I do know they are uncomfortable.
Husband: ---
Me: It's a good thing we don't have guns in the house because I would put a bullet through your brain.
Husband: ::laughs::
Tuesday, November 8th
We have coffee every day around 4:30 pm.
Husband: I poured the coffee...
Me: I'll be right down.
Me: What are you doing? Making a sandwich? We're going to be having a big dinner.
Husband: It's a small sandwich. I was in the mood for peanut butter and mayonnaise.
Me: That's disgusting.
Husband: I was trying to get it made before you came down.
Me: That is nasty.
Husband: No, it's a gourmet delight!
Me: That's just plain nasty...
Husband: I poured the coffee...
Me: I'll be right down.
Me: What are you doing? Making a sandwich? We're going to be having a big dinner.
Husband: It's a small sandwich. I was in the mood for peanut butter and mayonnaise.
Me: That's disgusting.
Husband: I was trying to get it made before you came down.
Me: That is nasty.
Husband: No, it's a gourmet delight!
Me: That's just plain nasty...
Friday, October 28th
Me: Is today Thursday or Friday?
Husband: Friday.
Me: And I thought yesterday was Saturday. I'm good!
Time: Approximately 2:45pm
Me: What time do you think the food will get delivered?
Husband: Between 3 and 5.
Me: Not an acceptable answer.
Husband: What would be an acceptable answer?
Me: 3:45 - So what time do you think the food will get delivered.
Husband: I don't know.
Me: What kind of candy did you buy for Halloween?
Husband: A couple of bags of stuff.
Me: What kind of stuff?
Husband: Oh, this and that.
Me: You're really precise today, aren't you?
Time: Approximately 3:45pm
Husband: I think the food is here - there's a truck but it doesn't have writing on it.
Me: HA!
Husband: Yup, it's the food delivery guy.
Me: HA! - it's 3:48! I said 3:45 - I win!
Husband to delivery guy: You're working alone today? Too bad.
Delivery Guy: So sad...
Husband: Friday.
Me: And I thought yesterday was Saturday. I'm good!
Time: Approximately 2:45pm
Me: What time do you think the food will get delivered?
Husband: Between 3 and 5.
Me: Not an acceptable answer.
Husband: What would be an acceptable answer?
Me: 3:45 - So what time do you think the food will get delivered.
Husband: I don't know.
Me: What kind of candy did you buy for Halloween?
Husband: A couple of bags of stuff.
Me: What kind of stuff?
Husband: Oh, this and that.
Me: You're really precise today, aren't you?
Time: Approximately 3:45pm
Husband: I think the food is here - there's a truck but it doesn't have writing on it.
Me: HA!
Husband: Yup, it's the food delivery guy.
Me: HA! - it's 3:48! I said 3:45 - I win!
Husband to delivery guy: You're working alone today? Too bad.
Delivery Guy: So sad...
Wednesday, October 26th
In the morning -
Me: I put out new toothbrushes.
Husband: Good, I was thinking they needed to be changed. What color is mine?
Me: Blue. Mine is green.
Husband: Just like before.
Me: Yeah, blue is for boys, I get whatever other color was in the package.
That evening -
Husband (yelling from the bathroom): What color did you say my new toothbrush was?
Me: Blue - just like before. Just like always.
Husband: That's what I thought. But you have them on the wrong side, I got confused.
Me: The wrong side?
Husband: Mine is always on the right side, yours on the left. You switched them.
Me: But yours is blue, mine is green - what difference does it make which side they're on???
Husband: I'm switching them back - mine is on the right and yours is on the left.
Me: But they are two different colors - how difficult is it to tell them apart?
Husband: You switched them around, that's all. It confused me.
Me: (rolling my eyes and whispering to myself): Dear lord help me
Me: I put out new toothbrushes.
Husband: Good, I was thinking they needed to be changed. What color is mine?
Me: Blue. Mine is green.
Husband: Just like before.
Me: Yeah, blue is for boys, I get whatever other color was in the package.
That evening -
Husband (yelling from the bathroom): What color did you say my new toothbrush was?
Me: Blue - just like before. Just like always.
Husband: That's what I thought. But you have them on the wrong side, I got confused.
Me: The wrong side?
Husband: Mine is always on the right side, yours on the left. You switched them.
Me: But yours is blue, mine is green - what difference does it make which side they're on???
Husband: I'm switching them back - mine is on the right and yours is on the left.
Me: But they are two different colors - how difficult is it to tell them apart?
Husband: You switched them around, that's all. It confused me.
Me: (rolling my eyes and whispering to myself): Dear lord help me
Monday, October 17th
Husband: Happy Birthday!
Me: Thanks, sweetie. Is there coffee?
Husband: All set-up, just hit the button. Are you going to open your birthday cards?
Me: Sure - you didn't have to get me any cards.
Husband: Well you know yesterday when I went to the store to get your cards...well, I got everything else I went out for but this morning I realized I forgot to get you a card. I'm so sorry. I scrounged around my desk and found these. I'm so sorry.
Me: Honey, it's no problem. You didn't have to. Really.
Husband: I feel so bad. I swear I'm getting Alzheimer's.
Me: It's okay - honestly - it's okay! (Opening cards).
Me: (reading): "I would have gotten you flowers but those darn cats just eat them. This picture of flowers will have to do". Awww ::laughing::
Husband: It's one of those cards those places send you for free when they are asking for money. If you ever get sick I have tons of sympathy cards...
Me: Yeah, I've got a ton of those too. (Opening second card)
Husband: That's the handmade card we bought from that lady on the street.
Me: Oh yeah - I remember. ::looking at the card closely:: Honey - this is a Chistmas Card - see it says "Happy Holidays".
Husband: On my god, I saw the happy and just assumed it was a birthday card. I am sooo sorry. I swear it's Alzheimer's.
Me: ::Laughing so hard I am choking - banging on the table - falling out of my chair::
Husband: You're supposed to be the old one - not me! Well at least you got a good laugh out of this. I suppose this will go on the conversation blog..
Me: Oh, yeah - Big time.
Me: Thanks, sweetie. Is there coffee?
Husband: All set-up, just hit the button. Are you going to open your birthday cards?
Me: Sure - you didn't have to get me any cards.
Husband: Well you know yesterday when I went to the store to get your cards...well, I got everything else I went out for but this morning I realized I forgot to get you a card. I'm so sorry. I scrounged around my desk and found these. I'm so sorry.
Me: Honey, it's no problem. You didn't have to. Really.
Husband: I feel so bad. I swear I'm getting Alzheimer's.
Me: It's okay - honestly - it's okay! (Opening cards).
Me: (reading): "I would have gotten you flowers but those darn cats just eat them. This picture of flowers will have to do". Awww ::laughing::
Husband: It's one of those cards those places send you for free when they are asking for money. If you ever get sick I have tons of sympathy cards...
Me: Yeah, I've got a ton of those too. (Opening second card)
Husband: That's the handmade card we bought from that lady on the street.
Me: Oh yeah - I remember. ::looking at the card closely:: Honey - this is a Chistmas Card - see it says "Happy Holidays".
Husband: On my god, I saw the happy and just assumed it was a birthday card. I am sooo sorry. I swear it's Alzheimer's.
Me: ::Laughing so hard I am choking - banging on the table - falling out of my chair::
Husband: You're supposed to be the old one - not me! Well at least you got a good laugh out of this. I suppose this will go on the conversation blog..
Me: Oh, yeah - Big time.
Wednesday, October 5th
Me: Don't buy these cookies any more. I've had enough of them to last a lifetime.
Husband: You know me - if you say you like something I'll keep buying it until you tell me to stop.
Me: STOP
Husband: But I'll keep buying the macaroons. I like them.
Me: You are like the cats - a creature of habit. You'll eat the same thing every day, day after day, for like forever. Some of us aren't like that. You ever hear variety is the spice of life?
Husband: You like spice, I don't.
Husband: You know me - if you say you like something I'll keep buying it until you tell me to stop.
Me: STOP
Husband: But I'll keep buying the macaroons. I like them.
Me: You are like the cats - a creature of habit. You'll eat the same thing every day, day after day, for like forever. Some of us aren't like that. You ever hear variety is the spice of life?
Husband: You like spice, I don't.
Tuesday, October 4th
Me: Do you want a funeral when you die?
Husband: No.
Me: Me either. Funerals are for the living not the dead. I find them weird.
Husband: Just cart the body to the nearest and cheapest crematorium. But do it quickly before my family finds out. Tho I don't think they would care. Plus you don't really want to keep a dead body around.
Me: I know - rotting meat - not something I would keep in the house. Cemeteries are basically landfills. On one hand I know why people do that but I still think it's a waste of good land. What should I do with your ashes?
Husband: Have no idea, and don't care.
Me: I always figured to have them put in a nice urn and keep it on a bookshelf. I always wanted to have my ashes put in a lucite cube and then kept on the coffee table. That way I could still be part of everything. "Oh, yeah - that's crazy Aunt Grace"
Husband: You've said that before.
Me: I decided that years and years and years ago.
Husband: ::laughing:: Years and years? Well, if you die before me, which I doubt, I always planned to scatter your ashes in Central Park.
Me: Oh, that would be lovely - thanks! But you would have to do it surreptitiously - they frown on that sort of thing.
Husband: Well I thought I would divide up the ashes in small pouches and scatter them a little here, a little there.
Me: If you're careful, that should work.
Husband: No.
Me: Me either. Funerals are for the living not the dead. I find them weird.
Husband: Just cart the body to the nearest and cheapest crematorium. But do it quickly before my family finds out. Tho I don't think they would care. Plus you don't really want to keep a dead body around.
Me: I know - rotting meat - not something I would keep in the house. Cemeteries are basically landfills. On one hand I know why people do that but I still think it's a waste of good land. What should I do with your ashes?
Husband: Have no idea, and don't care.
Me: I always figured to have them put in a nice urn and keep it on a bookshelf. I always wanted to have my ashes put in a lucite cube and then kept on the coffee table. That way I could still be part of everything. "Oh, yeah - that's crazy Aunt Grace"
Husband: You've said that before.
Me: I decided that years and years and years ago.
Husband: ::laughing:: Years and years? Well, if you die before me, which I doubt, I always planned to scatter your ashes in Central Park.
Me: Oh, that would be lovely - thanks! But you would have to do it surreptitiously - they frown on that sort of thing.
Husband: Well I thought I would divide up the ashes in small pouches and scatter them a little here, a little there.
Me: If you're careful, that should work.
Sunday, October 2nd
Me: Are you watching tv?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: You have the sound off?
Husband: Yeah
Me: Why?
Husband: Don't really care what they're saying.
Me: What are you watching?
Husband: Football.
Me: You're watching football. With the sound off...Who's playing?
Husband: Not sure - want me to check?
Me: Nooo. So why are you watching something you have no interest in?
Husband: I finished my book. Don't want to do any more work. It's just something to pass the time.
Me: I do not understand this at all. Nope.
Husband: Yeah.
Me: You have the sound off?
Husband: Yeah
Me: Why?
Husband: Don't really care what they're saying.
Me: What are you watching?
Husband: Football.
Me: You're watching football. With the sound off...Who's playing?
Husband: Not sure - want me to check?
Me: Nooo. So why are you watching something you have no interest in?
Husband: I finished my book. Don't want to do any more work. It's just something to pass the time.
Me: I do not understand this at all. Nope.
Monday, September 26th
Me: It's hot, it's humid - what is wrong with you?
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, It's September not July.
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, yes, I really mean Dear God, what is your problem. Are you not paying attention? Taking care of business not on your "To Do" list? Guess not.
Husband: ::laughs out loud:: *people on the street stare at us*
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, It's September not July.
The Universe: ---
Me: Dear God, yes, I really mean Dear God, what is your problem. Are you not paying attention? Taking care of business not on your "To Do" list? Guess not.
Husband: ::laughs out loud:: *people on the street stare at us*
Wednesday, September 21st
Me: Everyone is pissed off at the changes on Facebook. And there's gonna be more.
Husband: uh-huh
Me: I've said maybe we should just all move over to Google+. It used to be invitation only now it's going to be open to everyone. I'm on it.
Husband: I don't know anything about that stuff.
Me: I know. I would explain it to you but I know you don't care. It would be like trying to teach a pig to sing...
Husband: ::laughs::
Husband: uh-huh
Me: I've said maybe we should just all move over to Google+. It used to be invitation only now it's going to be open to everyone. I'm on it.
Husband: I don't know anything about that stuff.
Me: I know. I would explain it to you but I know you don't care. It would be like trying to teach a pig to sing...
Husband: ::laughs::
Friday, September 16th
Husband: While you're puttering around the kitchen - you wanted me to remind you when the coffee canister was empty 'cause you said you wanted to give it a good washing.
Me: Puttering around the kitchen? You call emptying the dishwasher, washing the breakfast dishes and coffee pot, wiping down the counters and the stove, puttering around?
Husband: ::laughing:: Ok, let me re-phrase that. While you are slaving away in the kitchen...
Me: Damn straight. I swear you have a death wish lately.
Me: Puttering around the kitchen? You call emptying the dishwasher, washing the breakfast dishes and coffee pot, wiping down the counters and the stove, puttering around?
Husband: ::laughing:: Ok, let me re-phrase that. While you are slaving away in the kitchen...
Me: Damn straight. I swear you have a death wish lately.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Husband: ::Reading the Sunday comics on Saturday:: Can you explain this to me? I don't get it. Don't they mean "heel"?
Me: No, they mean "heal". See the city skyline in the background? All of the Sunday comics are honoring 9/11.
Husband: You're smarter than I am! ::Looking over at BB the cat:: But I'm smarter than BB.
Me: Not hard...
Husband: Maybe not Frankie tho...
Me: ---
Me: No, they mean "heal". See the city skyline in the background? All of the Sunday comics are honoring 9/11.
Husband: You're smarter than I am! ::Looking over at BB the cat:: But I'm smarter than BB.
Me: Not hard...
Husband: Maybe not Frankie tho...
Me: ---
Tuesday September 6th
Me: Are you ever going to learn how to use this phone?
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: It's easy - just push "menu" then "call log". Then you can scroll through all the people who have called here and just auto dial them back.
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: And you can automatically add someone, who called here, to the Directory. See? I pull up this number from the call log, press menu and I can add it to the directory. No typing or entering needed. See?
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: Then if you want to call this person just press menu, directory, scroll to their name and press "talk".
Husband: Ah, technology!
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: It's easy - just push "menu" then "call log". Then you can scroll through all the people who have called here and just auto dial them back.
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: And you can automatically add someone, who called here, to the Directory. See? I pull up this number from the call log, press menu and I can add it to the directory. No typing or entering needed. See?
Husband: ::blank look::
Me: Then if you want to call this person just press menu, directory, scroll to their name and press "talk".
Husband: Ah, technology!
Monday August 29th
Me: So what did the air conditioning guy say?
Husband: We have a very sophisticated thermostat and (blah blah blah - technical explanation).
Me: What did he say about the vent being pushed out of the wall and being all wet?
Husband: I didn't know about that...
Me: I told you yesterday when I asked you to call the a/c guy.
Husband: (annoyed) Maybe you should have called him then.
Me: I should have - next time I will.
Husband: We have a very sophisticated thermostat and (blah blah blah - technical explanation).
Me: What did he say about the vent being pushed out of the wall and being all wet?
Husband: I didn't know about that...
Me: I told you yesterday when I asked you to call the a/c guy.
Husband: (annoyed) Maybe you should have called him then.
Me: I should have - next time I will.
Wednesday, August 24th
Me: Thanks for bringing that down, I've made you do a lot of toting today.
Husband: I don't mind this.
Me: Well the jewelry case has to be moved back. I can help you - if we just open one of the drawers and lift it that way...
Husband: You're not supposed to lift anything.
Me: It won't be so bad if we do it like I said.
Husband: Well not now - later.
Me: Did I say right now? Did I? When do I ever say "right now" -
Husband: Ok - later then.
Me: Or tomorrow, or the next day but before next Monday. I never say "right now" because very few things EVER have to be done right now.
Husband: ---
Husband: I don't mind this.
Me: Well the jewelry case has to be moved back. I can help you - if we just open one of the drawers and lift it that way...
Husband: You're not supposed to lift anything.
Me: It won't be so bad if we do it like I said.
Husband: Well not now - later.
Me: Did I say right now? Did I? When do I ever say "right now" -
Husband: Ok - later then.
Me: Or tomorrow, or the next day but before next Monday. I never say "right now" because very few things EVER have to be done right now.
Husband: ---
Tuesday, August 16th
Me: Oooh! I just remembered that you asked me to remind you that a bulb is out in the bedroom.
Husband: OK, I'll do that right after I finish this.
Me: You don't have to do it now. You can do it later.
Husband: No, that's ok, just as soon as I finish this.
Me. I can try to remember to remind you later...
Husband: Now, later - it doesn't matter.
Me: Whatever you want - but I can remember to remind you later.
Husband: ---
Husband: OK, I'll do that right after I finish this.
Me: You don't have to do it now. You can do it later.
Husband: No, that's ok, just as soon as I finish this.
Me. I can try to remember to remind you later...
Husband: Now, later - it doesn't matter.
Me: Whatever you want - but I can remember to remind you later.
Husband: ---
Monday, August 8th
Me: (shouting up the stairs) Could you bring my book when you come down?
Husband: Where is it?
Me: Either on my dresser or on my nightstand.
Husband: Which book?
Me: The real one - you know, a book with pages, made of paper.
Husband: (Coming down the stairs with book in hand): Very funny..
Me: See, you got the right one, it even has a bookmark in it.
Husband: Well there were other books - the Buddhist ones.
Me: But I said ON the nightstand, not IN the nightstand. Those were IN, this was ON.
Husband: ---
Husband: Where is it?
Me: Either on my dresser or on my nightstand.
Husband: Which book?
Me: The real one - you know, a book with pages, made of paper.
Husband: (Coming down the stairs with book in hand): Very funny..
Me: See, you got the right one, it even has a bookmark in it.
Husband: Well there were other books - the Buddhist ones.
Me: But I said ON the nightstand, not IN the nightstand. Those were IN, this was ON.
Husband: ---
Monday, August 1st
Husband: I broke it again
Me: What do you mean? What happened?
Husband: I hit the return button.
Me: The return button never works.
Husband: I know..
Me: You've heard "The definition of insanity..."
Husband: But it works on other shows...
Me: But not THIS one. How many times have you tried it? 10-11?
Husband: At least and it never works.
Me: Once again, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY..."
Me: What do you mean? What happened?
Husband: I hit the return button.
Me: The return button never works.
Husband: I know..
Me: You've heard "The definition of insanity..."
Husband: But it works on other shows...
Me: But not THIS one. How many times have you tried it? 10-11?
Husband: At least and it never works.
Me: Once again, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY..."
Sunday, July 31st
Husband: This is stupidest episode ever. Or the most stupid? Or maybe I mean stupider than most?
Me: I hate the word "stupider" - It's stupid!
Husband: ::laughing::
Me: I hate the word "stupider" - It's stupid!
Husband: ::laughing::
Friday, July 29
Me: You get paid again on the 7th, right?
Husband: Yes, why?
Me: I think I'll wait until then to transfer money to the other account.
Husband: Unless of course the budget bill doesn't pass, the government may decide not to pay contractors.
Me: I thought of that, that's why I'm waiting.
Husband: Good idea
Me: Unless of course we won the lottery, I haven't checked my numbers yet. If we won then we could live anywhere we want - We could move to Paris.
Husband: Why would we want to do that?
Me: Yeah, I know. I don't want to live in Paris either
Husband: ::In a very innocent tone of voice, all kinda childlike with wonder:: It's filled with Frenchmen!
Me: ::laughing so hard I choked on the piece of candy I was eating::
Husband: ::innocently:: Why is that so funny?
Me: It's the way you said it.
Husband: Yes, why?
Me: I think I'll wait until then to transfer money to the other account.
Husband: Unless of course the budget bill doesn't pass, the government may decide not to pay contractors.
Me: I thought of that, that's why I'm waiting.
Husband: Good idea
Me: Unless of course we won the lottery, I haven't checked my numbers yet. If we won then we could live anywhere we want - We could move to Paris.
Husband: Why would we want to do that?
Me: Yeah, I know. I don't want to live in Paris either
Husband: ::In a very innocent tone of voice, all kinda childlike with wonder:: It's filled with Frenchmen!
Me: ::laughing so hard I choked on the piece of candy I was eating::
Husband: ::innocently:: Why is that so funny?
Me: It's the way you said it.
Wednesday, July 27
Me: ::seeing husband hunched over working on laptop:: Do you need more light over there?
Husband: No, I can see fine.
Me: Then why are you hunched over and squinting?
Husband: It's that problem with my glasses, if I sit back I can't see the screen too well.
Me: What happened to those drugstore reading glasses we bought?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: Where are they?
Husband: In the drawer.
Me: Why are we keeping them?
Husband: I don't know. They didn't work.
Me: So I can throw them out?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: ::gets up, goes to china cabinet, opens drawer, gets two pairs of reading glasses, tosses them in the trash::
Me: Well, they're gone now.
Husband: They didn't work.
Husband: No, I can see fine.
Me: Then why are you hunched over and squinting?
Husband: It's that problem with my glasses, if I sit back I can't see the screen too well.
Me: What happened to those drugstore reading glasses we bought?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: Where are they?
Husband: In the drawer.
Me: Why are we keeping them?
Husband: I don't know. They didn't work.
Me: So I can throw them out?
Husband: They didn't work.
Me: ::gets up, goes to china cabinet, opens drawer, gets two pairs of reading glasses, tosses them in the trash::
Me: Well, they're gone now.
Husband: They didn't work.
Tuesday, July 26
Husband: I'm going into D.C. tomorrow
Me: My pedicure appointment is tomorrow
Husband: Well be careful, watch where you walk, don't forget your keys, lock the doors...
Me: I'm not an idiot you know
Husband: But that's what you always say to me
Me: Yes, but that's because sometimes you are a little...vague.
Me: My pedicure appointment is tomorrow
Husband: Well be careful, watch where you walk, don't forget your keys, lock the doors...
Me: I'm not an idiot you know
Husband: But that's what you always say to me
Me: Yes, but that's because sometimes you are a little...vague.
Friday, July 22
Me: ::waving hands around the area that used to have coat tree and smiling::
Husband: You really like how everything looks now, don't you?
Me: Yes -and my office is just about perfection - just need those new doors.
Husband: It has taken a while but I think we have finally got it right.
Me: All the money we wasted - starting with buying this house in the first place.
Husband: ::tired laugh::
Husband: You really like how everything looks now, don't you?
Me: Yes -and my office is just about perfection - just need those new doors.
Husband: It has taken a while but I think we have finally got it right.
Me: All the money we wasted - starting with buying this house in the first place.
Husband: ::tired laugh::
Tuesday, July 19
Husband: I have some bad news.
Me: WHAT!!!!
Husband: The city won't pick up electronics.
Me: That is not BAD news. That is annoying pissant news. Don't scare me like that. Bad news is like, you know - BAAAAD news.
Me: WHAT!!!!
Husband: The city won't pick up electronics.
Me: That is not BAD news. That is annoying pissant news. Don't scare me like that. Bad news is like, you know - BAAAAD news.
Thursday, July 14 2011
Me: (reading the NYT Home section) ::Laughing::
Husband: Something funny?
Me: This ad - the company's name is "Big Ass Fans"
Husband: Oh? What do they sell?
Me: (showing him the paper) BIG.ASS.FANS.
Husband: Something funny?
Me: This ad - the company's name is "Big Ass Fans"
Husband: Oh? What do they sell?
Me: (showing him the paper) BIG.ASS.FANS.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Time: 1:45 pm today
Location: Kitchen table
Me: I'm hungry.
Husband: ---
Me: Yeah, I know "eat something"
Husband: ---
Me: I already looked. There's nothing I want.
Husband: I ate all the cheese.
Me: Yeah, I noticed. I was gonna make one of those cheese thingies.
Husband: Sorry
Me: It sucks to be me
Husband & Me: (LAUGHTER)
Location: Kitchen table
Me: I'm hungry.
Husband: ---
Me: Yeah, I know "eat something"
Husband: ---
Me: I already looked. There's nothing I want.
Husband: I ate all the cheese.
Me: Yeah, I noticed. I was gonna make one of those cheese thingies.
Husband: Sorry
Me: It sucks to be me
Husband & Me: (LAUGHTER)
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